"And in the end, we were all just
humans...drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our
brokenness" - F.Scott Fitzgerald
When
something is broken, many times we assume that it can easily be fixed.
If a phone is broken, there are specialists who can fix it in a matter
of minutes. If a bone is broken, there are doctors who know the
techniques to help them heal properly. If a car is broken, there are
millions of mechanics on the planet who are professionals and can get
the car running like new.
Now
imagine this: You're madly in love. You have shared some of your
deepest secrets, some of your biggest fears, some of the most beautiful
moments with one special person. You had hopes that this person was the
person you would spend the rest of your life with. It sounds magical,
right? Now, imagine that person betraying you. Imagine them saying
things that would never leave your mind; imagine them stealing the
sparkle in your eye..the smile on your face..the happiness that you
felt every time you were with them. Imagine them breaking you. Imagine
them breaking your heart in such a way that it physically hurt you to
even breathe. Imagine feeling so broken that just the thought of them
made you cry. Imagine feeling like everything was crashing down and you
had absolutely no control over which direction it would go.
I
know, it sounds dramatic but I had to get the point across. People deal
with scenarios similar and worse than the scenario above. People
struggle with brokenness on a daily basis, but many times it's hidden.
Many times they have ways of coping and hiding so others won't know the
hurt that they're feeling.
Recently,
different obstacles have been placed in my life and I've been feeling a
sense of brokenness. My closest friends can see the hurt in my eyes, my
smile isn't as bright as it was before, my heart just hurts. My
thoughts are consumed of questions that will never be answered and my
soul cries out for the love of my Father that I feel has been so far
from me for so long. My heart yearns to be fixed, to be held with a
gentleness that will carefully take each piece and make sure to put it
in the place where it fits best.
I
wholeheartedly believe that genuine love can fix the brokenness that
I've been feeling. Not romantic love, but genuine love from those
closest to me. Most importantly, the love that only my heavenly Father
can give. The type of love that is unconditional; the type of love that
never fails; the type of love that will ALWAYS be there, even when I'm
distant. I've learned that when we stray off in our own directions and
try to make things work on our own, brokenness happens. Not always, but
more often than not. I've learned that the only One who can handle our
hearts the way they should be handled is God.
Now,
the process of a "heart repair" is hard. Some days are painful. Some
days require for certain pieces to be thrown out and replaced. Some days
require a bit of wear and tear to fit the new pieces in perfectly. Some
days may seem easy, but the process in general is time consuming and
difficult. The thing keeping me going? The anticipation for the final
product. I cannot wait for the day where I can say that my heart is
made new. I cannot wait to be able to give my heart to the man that was
made for me and know that it is safe. I cannot wait to have the
opportunity to love WHOLEHEARTEDLY instead of with pieces of a heart
shattered by hopes of things that would never be and people who didn't
care enough to handle it with care.