"Are you going through something and you’re wondering where God is in all of this?? Well remember this: The teacher is usually quiet during a test".
Recently, I've been doubting my ability to be used by God. Maybe it sounds weird or doesn't make sense, but trust me, it's possible. I've been feeling weak, useless and doubting whether or not I even have a purpose or whether God has a calling for me. I've even been close to leaving my church and ending my role as a youth leader in my youth group. Why? Because I was letting the enemy tell me that I wasn't good enough. I was letting him give me negative thoughts when God has already told me what it is that He wants me to do in His kingdom. My youth leader, mentor and other father told me once that what I needed to do was draw nearer to God. The example he gave me is an example that will never leave my memory. He said "When you're hungry, what do you do? You get food. When you're cold, what do you do? You get a blanket to warm you up. Now when you feel far from God, what should you do? Draw near to Him." These words will never leave my memory because they're so true. My first thought was to be as far from God as possible because I felt empty and cold towards Him, when in reality I should have been drawing near to Him to get filled and wrapped in His arms for warmth.
I realized that in our spiritual walks, we're going to have tests and trials, and although our first thought may be to just give up and walk away, that just doesn't make sense. If I'm hungry, I'm not going to turn away from food, so when i'm empty, i'm not going to turn away from my God, the only person who can fill me. Even if I feel like He's not close to me during a test, I know that He's right there next to me, but watching me endure the test and allowing me to make the right choice. When studying for a test in school, I review my material over and over again until I memorize it. I spend hours upon hours at the library making sure that all of the information is embedded in my brain. I need to begin doing the same thing with God's word, because THAT is material that is going to get me through life, alive and strong. Without God's word in me, i'm not going to know what to do in any type of situation just like if I don't study my material for an exam at school, i'm going to fail the exam.
So, the point is, don't EVER let the enemy tell you that you're not worthy in God's kingdom because the truth is, we ALL have a purpose in God's kingdom. We all have a calling, some of us just choose not to accept it because we feel like we're not ready or equipped to take up such a challenge. From today on, I'm accepting the challenge and focusing on what I have to do in order to advance His kingdom, no matter what it takes. Of course there will be challenges and trials, but as long as I study and spend time getting to know my God, all the information and wisdom that I need will be embedded into my brain.